Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Lunch Alone

I set out yesterday to have a quick lunch alone between laundry and errands. (One of my errands was grocery shopping. I had no food in the house, therefore I had to eat out.) I took with me an Allure Magazine my friend Mike had given to me the last time I saw him.

Do I need to fucking know about all the "wild outfits" Nicole Richie has? Do I need a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker in a pink tutu staring at me and asking that I buy her perfume? I'll stick with my Sud Pacifique Vanille Coco, thanks. Someone told me it makes me smell like birthday cake. Do I need to know about this season's "Must Have" boots? All of which cost well over one thousand dollars, by the way! All of my shoes COMBINED don't add up to that!

I am sick of magazines telling me what color gloss is "in" this season. I'll decide that for myself. I don't need to look to Paris and Nicole for my fashion tips. I mean, let's face it, I'll never be that rich or that skinny. So they CAN'T be my role models.

Who the hell are my role models? Is this what happens when you're 15 days away from turning 34? You start looking around and realizing how young, rich, and thin everyone in magazines is? I mean, where is the gray area between "young, hot, & single" and "old, wrinkled, & incontinent"??

Wait a minute. Sarah Jessica is older than me. So, I'm coming up with an equation here:

I want a magazine with women who are at least a size 8 telling me where to find FIFTY DOLLAR BOOTS, okay? And maybe I care more about what the waitress who served me my ratatouille omelet is wearing than I do about Jessica Simpson! And maybe Allure should put Rachel McAdams in some Levis instead of a PRADA dress!


That's all. I feel better. Next time, I'm bringing a book to lunch. And my ratatouille omelet was really freaking good. (So were the grits and the honey bran muffin).


Blogger Michael Markowitz said...

Hey, well said and I hear you, and if it's any comfort, the men's magazines are no better. Esquire, Details, GQ, all full of fashions... for the NYC/Milan gay man! If you are okay with going to a business meeting in a skin-tight five-button suit with pants that end six inches above your shoe and wearing a $35,000 watch, they've got you covered. The difference is women have alternative magazines like Domino and Budget Living and Real Simple... men got nothin'.

Anyway, next time you come over I'll show you the good magazines. Don't fret. And by the way, you're MUCH hotter than Nicole or Sarah!!!!

8:26 AM  
Blogger Michael Markowitz said...

Oops, my mistake... Domino is the non-snooty magazine about shopping for stuff for your home. I meant to suggest Lucky.

12:59 PM  

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