I'm Not Crazy

Do you have to be crazy to be creative? I mean, really... Do you have to be a nut-job to be considered a genius? Am I too happy? Is that why I write so infrequently? Is that why, whenever people tell me I should spend more time creating, I wonder HOW exactly I'm supposed to create?

I mean, I have something to say. And I love to write and perform and all that. But, maybe I'm just too damned happy to really make a difference in the art world... Or even the world in general! And, is that such a bad thing? I say, "No! That's not such a bad thing." I mean, I'll take happy over certifiable any day. But I do want to do more creatively. I do.

So, where does that leave me? Can I force myself to write every day until it just becomes part of my daily routine, like brushing my teeth or eating lunch? Can habit take the place of a cracked psyche?

Or, should I try to plunge myself into a deep depression by thinking about all the squirrels that get hit by cars every day? I could think about how fucked up the world is and how hate-filled some folks are. I could think about how people are hungry and there are kids whose parents are on drugs. THAT would get me good and depressed. THEN I'd be a true artist.

Or, I could make it an acting exercise. I could "play" the part of a manic-depressive mess who can only express her true feelings through the written word.

Or... Now bear with me here. I could try to just be happy and write accordingly. I mean, I know it's not conventional and the "happy market" is probably a lot smaller than the depressed one. But I'm not in it for the response as much as I'm in it for the joy it brings to finish something. It's cathartic to say, "I wrote something today". I guess I'd like to say, "I'm a writer", someday. But you can't do that unless you write.

So, I'm going to try to write happy. It's pretty unconventional but I might start a trend. Happy writers could become all the rage. We'll read our musings aloud at open-mic nights in coffee houses. But we won't smoke! And we'll wear bright colors instead of black. And afterwards, instead of withdrawing or hating ourselves for the miserable thing we've written, we'll go to Denny's for pancakes with our friends. And we'll laugh at all the great things that happened to us that day.

I like it. And look! I wrote something today.