Wednesday, April 04, 2007

16 Weeks

I have been putting this off. It's been three months since I've blogged, but I knew if I came back I'd have to write about the main thing that's been on my mind for the entire three months:

I'm pregnant. Preggers. Knocked up. With child. The rabbit died. The test was positive. I am going to have a baby.

So, I guess I knew that once I started blogging again, it was most likely going to be a pregnancy blog. And frankly, I don't know if anyone will find that interesting. But it's going to have to happen, so why not start today. Right? Right.

I have plenty of anecdotes and fun stories, and I'm sure I'll get to them all. But let's start with yesterday. The day I officially became a Pregnant Woman.

I haven't put on very much weight in the 16 weeks I've been pregnant. As a matter of fact, I've only gained about four or five pounds. Most people look at me like I'm crazy or lying when I tell them I'm four months pregnant because no one can tell. Well, yesterday was a brand new day.

After I shower I put this cocoa butter stuff all over my belly so that I don't get the Dreaded Stretch Marks. Well, as I was doing that yesterday I noticed that I could only see the very tips of my toes beneath my gut. I had a gut!! I immediately woke Russ up to show him. "Look! I'm really pregnant!" "That's crazy", says Russ, "When did that happen?" "Just now!"

Then I was on my way to buy maternity clothes with my mom. We had planned this about a week ago just so I'd have some stuff when I started getting big. I mean, even though I haven't gained a lot, I have been popping out of my bras and my t-shirts are uncomfortably tight. So, I was sitting at breakfast with my folks when I realized I was in a great deal of pain. I quickly undid my belt and my buttons on my jeans and instantly felt better. I was going to the maternity store not a moment too soon! I officially couldn't comfortably sit in my jeans any longer.

Trying on clothes was exhausting. I think we brought close to 75 items into that dressing room. At one point I made my mom get me a bottle of water because I was so dehydrated. Several hundred dollars and many ruffly outfits and elastic-waisted jeans later... I was home with Russ walking Bogie. Now, pregnancy makes you klutzy. I am already a huge klutz, most notably proven by the time I knocked myself out and broke my nose WALKING INTO A TELEPHONE POLE!! Well, yesterday Bogie took his regular afternoon crap. I grabbed my plastic bags and began scooping it up, only to have my prescription sunglasses fall off my nose and head directly toward the pile! I cleverly batted them away with my half-full baggy, only to smear them with dog shit. Genius.

As we walked in the house and headed toward the back yard to hose off my glasses, I sneezed pretty hard. "Oh SHIT!", I yelped. "What?", asked Russ. "I just peed." "How much?", asks Russ. "More than you want to pee when your pants are still on", I replied. We both laughed pretty hard. "You're a mess", he said. "I certainly am."


Blogger Bowler Hat Productions said...

Glorious. Wow. SO glad I checked in. Must've known subconsciously. Best stories I've heard in a very long time.

Don't start what you can't finish. In other words, "MORE PLEASE". I love it!!

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Tracy K. said...

I can't stop laughing! I didn't realize you were such a klutz - something else we have in common! Plus I peed a little from laughing reading your poo story. :)
I'm so excited for you! I'll be living vicariously through your blog, so keep the stories coming!
{By the way, you're probably wondering who the hell this is...don't worry, you'll figure it out eventually.}

12:39 PM  
Blogger Dec said...

Only good things can happen when intelligent, compassionate and caring human beings bring a child into the world.

..and you should absolutely blog about this experience. I do believe that you're far more talented than you realize. Another thirty weeks of blogging and you might have compiled enough material here to publish.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Damn it, Dec! I like the way you think! If Jenny McCarthy can write a stupid pregnancy book, why can't I??

(Those were the original lyrics to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", by the way.)

And, Tracy-I know who you are! Something as silly as a last name change can't screw me up!

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Cameron said...

Hi Lisa,

I had no idea you were even pregnant! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I hope everything goes according to plan....!!!!! I'm sure you and your husband will raise another comic genius :)

5:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The greatest adventure life has to offer is yours! Enjoy every moment, (well, perhaps not the poo moments) Keep writing, more! more! AL

7:42 PM  
Blogger Deena said...

Fantastic! Can't wait to read the rest...

12:41 AM  
Anonymous maryanne said...

What exciting news!!! Congratulations Lisa!!!

8:24 PM  

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