I am a Werewolf
You know those movies where a guy sees a full moon and starts morphing into a werewolf? Well, that's happening to me. But, there's no full moon and I'm not turning into a hairy beast (as far as you know).
What I am turning into it seems, is a housewife circa 1950. I'll give you two examples.
I had to do a vocal imitation of Kelly Ripa on Monday afternoon. So, I TiVo'd "Live With Regis and Kelly" Monday morning. I gagged a little while setting the TiVo. I was not looking forward to seeing "Reg" and that skinny, stupid bitch who sits next to him.
Well kids, I'm here to tell you Kelly Ripa is NOT a stupid bitch!! She's endearing!! She's funny! She HYPNOTIZED me!! I was supposed to be studying her so I could do a voice match, and instead I was hanging on her every word!! I even told Russ when he got home from work, "I know why everyone loves Kelly Ripa. She's got something!" So now I like Kelly Ripa. Go ahead, make fun of me. And just TRY to keep me away from ABC every morning at nine o'clock. (After I've made oatmeal and coffee, by the way. That's right.)
Example number two: last night after three auditions all over town and a painful facial, I was exhausted. I came home, ate the food I got at Zancou Chicken and went to put the leftovers in the fridge. "What's this," I queried to myself, "These carrots we bought and never opened for Thanksgiving are going to be bad in a few days!" I GUESS THAT MEANS I HAVE TO MAKE A CARROT BREAD!!!!!!!!! That's right. I pre-heated the oven to 350, greased up a loaf pan, got my ingredients out of my TUPPERWARE, and whipped up a carrot bread. I even changed up my recipe a bit and added cream cheese and walnuts. I BAKED A BREAD SO AS NOT TO WASTE CARROTS!!!! Do you see what I'm saying here? I even made Russ take the bread to work today.
Someone strap me to a chair and leave me some scraps of food. Maybe this will pass.
I have to go bray to my Kitchenaid stand mixer now.
What I am turning into it seems, is a housewife circa 1950. I'll give you two examples.
I had to do a vocal imitation of Kelly Ripa on Monday afternoon. So, I TiVo'd "Live With Regis and Kelly" Monday morning. I gagged a little while setting the TiVo. I was not looking forward to seeing "Reg" and that skinny, stupid bitch who sits next to him.
Well kids, I'm here to tell you Kelly Ripa is NOT a stupid bitch!! She's endearing!! She's funny! She HYPNOTIZED me!! I was supposed to be studying her so I could do a voice match, and instead I was hanging on her every word!! I even told Russ when he got home from work, "I know why everyone loves Kelly Ripa. She's got something!" So now I like Kelly Ripa. Go ahead, make fun of me. And just TRY to keep me away from ABC every morning at nine o'clock. (After I've made oatmeal and coffee, by the way. That's right.)
Example number two: last night after three auditions all over town and a painful facial, I was exhausted. I came home, ate the food I got at Zancou Chicken and went to put the leftovers in the fridge. "What's this," I queried to myself, "These carrots we bought and never opened for Thanksgiving are going to be bad in a few days!" I GUESS THAT MEANS I HAVE TO MAKE A CARROT BREAD!!!!!!!!! That's right. I pre-heated the oven to 350, greased up a loaf pan, got my ingredients out of my TUPPERWARE, and whipped up a carrot bread. I even changed up my recipe a bit and added cream cheese and walnuts. I BAKED A BREAD SO AS NOT TO WASTE CARROTS!!!! Do you see what I'm saying here? I even made Russ take the bread to work today.
Someone strap me to a chair and leave me some scraps of food. Maybe this will pass.
I have to go bray to my Kitchenaid stand mixer now.
posted by Lisa at 9:31 PM
4 Comments:
Whoa! You found some carrots and "whipped up a CARROT BREAD"??? Are you telling us what I THINK you're trying to tell us, Lisa? That not only have you become a were-Lisa but also a June CLEAV-ARCH??? Well, that doesn't surprise me at all. No, in fact, I think that may make perfect sense. Just, if you're gonna go with the whole house-wife-were-wolf-carrot-cake-on-the-fly thing? Try to incorporate more frequent blog entries, please. Mark my lame words, Ripa would want you to, too.
Max!!! She's baking breads!!! She can't do everything!!! You are turning into a blog nazi!!! Don't make me use more exclamation points here!!!!
lisa - if I bring you some old carrots - can you whip me up some bread?
Oh my god... I got so scared there for a moment reading this post... I thought we were going to have our first ever disagreement. Because I love Kelly Ripa! I'm so glad you love her, too.
Also, lately she's super hot. But that's another story.
Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!
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