Sunday, January 29, 2006

Flying Solo

I am not a fan of travel. Not a big fan. I mean, sure the honeymoon was great. And I didn’t so much mind getting on a plane when I knew it was headed for a week of great sex with my husband in Hawaii. I had no idea it was going to lead to THAT MUCH sex, but I didn’t mind flying that week. I guess flying with Russ in general makes it easier, but he’s not a big fan of flight either, so it only makes it a little easier.

Occasionally I have to travel for work. It’s always a double-edged sword. The work, I’m ecstatic about. The flight makes me nauseous. Of course, they usually fly you first class for work, so it takes the edge off a little. Okay, a lot. I mean having a mimosa at 9:00 AM in your giant seat is a hell of a lot better than waiting an hour for your can of coke and sitting squished next to some other disgruntled flyer.

Regardless, stuff happens to me when I fly. I can’t sleep the night before. Last night I slept for a little under four hours. And my “schedule” gets all screwed up. You know what I mean… my “schedule”. Come on! Don’t play dumb! My pooping schedule! I get constipated and it ruins everything! You knew what I was referring to all along. You just wanted to make me say it. I get all intestinally twisted and it sucks!

And it’s not just the flying. It’s the fear I’m going to suck at the job I’ve been hired to do. It’s the saying goodbye to Russ and Bogie at 6:00 in the morning, knowing they’re both going back to sleep without me. It’s the sneezing and coughing on the plane. It’s the lack of toilet seat covers in the bathroom. It’s the thought of hanging out with people I don’t know very well for a few nights and fearing they’ll think I’m a dork. These are all the things that make my stomach tie into knots that a boy scout would envy.

But I am trying to make the best of it. I am trying to have faith in myself being funny for the camera, and faith that Russ will feed the cats and Bogie even though that’s usually my job. I’m also trying to get the fucking flight attendant to get me a cup of coffee. Oops, sorry. First class goes to my head a little.


Blogger Max Koch said...

I KNEW you'd be writing from the road.

So good.

10:02 PM  
Blogger Max Koch said...

I hope you really did enjoy a mimosa.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

OF COURSE I ENJOYED A MIMOSA!! First of all, why would I make that up. Secondly, it's hard to turn down champagne and orange juice when it's being presented to you on a tray by a smiling flight attendant and you know you're about to fly for 5 hours.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Max Koch said...

You said you don't LIKE champagne! (Meanwhile, I'm VERY proud of you.)

5:26 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Why is everyone so proud of me when I drink? Last night at dinner my wine glass was filled over and over because it made the people with me happy to see me slugging it back. Am I THAT much better to be around when I've had a few?

And, I don't like champagne straight, but it's always yummy in o.j.

7:14 AM  
Blogger BOB said...

You have sex? Oooh.... cooties.

11:10 PM  

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