Monday, April 16, 2007

18 Weeks, Monday

I thought now would be as good a time as any to let you in on some of my many pre-natal symptoms. Is it pre-natal? Or just natal? Either way, there have been some symptoms, brother.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. I always thought that when a woman gets pregnant, she immediately knows. I thought the second my husband and I finished making love, I would look at him and say, "You have planted your seed and soon I will give you an heir." But, it was not that way. However, a couple weeks after said seed was planted, I began falling asleep in my dressing room at work. I never fall asleep ANYWHERE but my own bed, or my couch if it's 3:00AM and I'm too tired to walk to the bedroom. So, this was hint number one.

Then I began having mild cramps and feeling very warm. Upon taking my temperature, we discovered mine was slightly higher than normal several nights in a row. Russ looked that up on line and saw that this was a common sign of early pregnancy.

Off to the store to buy some pregnancy tests!! We got the one with two in a package, just in case. I took the first one immediately, and peed all over the stick and my hand. The result on the test was "negative", but my hand came up positive.

Russ decided we should wait a couple days before taking test number two. So, one morning I woke up at around 4:00AM and found Russ was not yet in bed. This is very common, as Russ is a freaking Night Owl. I hollered for him and told him to bring in The Test. This time I carefully peed on the exact part of the stick you're supposed to pee on, completely sparing my hand. Russ, being a very good husband, immediately grabbed the stick from me and held it perfectly horizontal, like you're supposed to. What seemed like HOURS, but was only about two minutes later... The Test came up positive. HOLY CRAP!!! NO WAY!!! WHAT???? WHAT????

Russ and I cried and laughed together for about 20 minutes, then he went to sleep. I cried and laughed and cried and laughed and cried and laughed until 9:30 when I had to go to work. I was quite tired.

Almost immediately I started having seriously annoying symptoms. Nausea permeated my entire day, every day. I woke up nauseous. I went to sleep nauseous. I ate nauseous. I walked nauseous. I worked nauseous. No puking, just nausea. That went on until last week. My other favorite symptom was acne. Every pore on my face was filled with something. I also had lovely little bumps all over my chest and back, to the point where I couldn't wear a shirt that showed any skin at all. Luckily, Most of that is gone. Besides that, I have been beyond exhausted. But even that seems to be lifting a bit. And I can't tell you how glad I am to feel good again. I want to GLOW, damn it!

Now my symptoms seem to be slight lower back pain, residual exhaustion, and the fact that I don't digest my dinner until seven hours after I eat. Apparently, it takes a pregnant woman five times longer to digest food than it takes anyone else. So, after I eat, I'm uncomfortable for a long, long time. Which really sucks, because I want to eat a lot and I can't.

Oh, my newest symptom? Extreme joy. I wake up so freaking happy, it's absurd. And I'm pretty much like that all day. Plus, the nesting thing is kicking in and I'm cleaning out drawers and throwing away papers like a mad woman. These are symptoms I am thoroughly enjoying, and would like to endure for a while. Now I'm gonna go have a few spoons full of Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream.


Blogger Bowler Hat Productions said...




If ANYTHING... your pregnancy has assisted in OFFICIALLY providing you MORE OF A REASON THAN EVER to FINALLY F**KING DO A ONE-WOMAN SHOW. I'm not saying "tomorrow", I'm saying "someday soon". Do your thing and raise your beautiful child. But I'm saying EVENTUALLY... and it does NOT all have to be about this whole pregnancy topic, but EVENTUALLY this topic CAN be a section of the greatest one-woman show ever performed.


Eh. Why am I wasting the energy?




A little juice remains!


WILL YOU, ya lazy turd?

WILL YOU????????????

(Sorry. You're not a "turd", alright? I just get sometimes passionate enough to CALL you a turd. Stick and stones.)


7:43 PM  
Anonymous Tracy K. said...

That one had me laughing and crying too! Thanks for continuing to write! I was so happy to check and see you'd written more so soon!!

8:04 PM  

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