Sunday, January 04, 2009

January 4th, 2009

I'm a mess. For those of you who thought my only emotion was, "grateful", I thought I should let you know that I can also be an anxious, scared, stressed, crazed mess.

I'm still thankful and happy, don't worry your pretty little head about that! But I've got some shit going on that I feel like I need to get to the bottom of pretty fast. I know some of what's causing it:

The thought of going back to work,
The feeling that I'll never be as organized as I want to be,
The idea of possibly having a second child (and when?)(and all the stuff that goes with that!),
Wanting to be better at all the stuff I try to do,
Etc. Etc. Etc.

I'm on edge lately and I don't like it. I hate wasting precious time being fearful or nervous or... Terrified. I want to fix whatever this is as soon as possible so I can just get back to being MOSTLY grateful and happy. I'll keep you updated on my progress. I'm sure you're riveted.

In the meantime, Garrett got his first real boo-boo. He cut his lip and nose on a wood platform in the garage. His first manly, bloody ouchy. I saw it happen and, according to my brother, I announced it like a sports caster, "AND he's BLEEDING! He's bleeding!"

I HATE blood and I REALLY HATE seeing Garrett bleed! It sucks! Now his perfect little face has two big, red cuts. Today he bonked his head approximately thirty times and cried at about three of them. Bogie even knocked him over once. I think this is the beginning of a lot of boyish bruises, and hopefully very few scars. Man, I better learn how to deal with this crap. Apparently once they start walking, running, bicycling, skateboarding, and general mayhem follows. I always wanted a boy. And here he is!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Lisa,...first, breathe, and then,breathe again....and,TRY to laugh, not because any of this, at this moment, is funny, but because it will ease your heart.

I remember standing in hallway of our first home, where dozens of family pictures, past and present, were displayed. (When I put them up, I thought it was for others to see, but it was I who drank in those growing, changing images.) In some way, seeing those images, some sweet, some funny and wistful, would bring some solace to the day, especially, THOSE chaotic days.

Your writing, as always, is amazing and I laud your generosity of spirit. Thank you. Love, AL

7:20 PM  

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