Sunday, June 24, 2007

28 Weeks

I guess there are certain things your ob/gyn waits to tell you until the last minute. But sometimes you have a casual conversation with someone at work who lets you in on secrets you might not be ready to hear yet. I had such a conversation at work on Friday and it involved two words I never knew I'd hear in the same sentence:

Mucus and Plug.

See, there's this woman at work who just had her third kid and she's in her early forties, beautiful, and seemingly very knowledgeable about all that is Baby. (She's also an example of how even a woman in her forties can have a kick-ass body just MONTHS after giving birth. For those of you keeping score, I am merely in my mid-thirties, so I can probably do it in minutes.)

Anyhoo... We were having one of our Baby Chats on Friday and I was telling her about my Braxton-Hicks contractions and about how hard Sesame is kicking and how wild it all is. And she said, "The weirdest thing is when your mucus plug comes out." At this point I had two options. One: I could say, "Oh yeah. Mucus plug. I've heard that's a trip." Or two: I could say, "WHAT THE FUCK IS A MUCUS PLUG???" I chose the latter reaction.

"Oh", says she, "Your doctor probably just hasn't told you yet. Your mucus plug basically holds everything in there. It comes out a couple days before you go into labor. I had no idea what it was when it happened to me the first time and it really freaked me out." REALLY? IT FREAKED YOU OUT? WHY WOULD SOMETHING LIKE A FREAKING MUCUS PLUG COMING OUT OF YOU FREAK YOU OUT?????????

Mucus plug. The name alone is enough to send me into an early labor. I'm gonna call it something else. Baby cork? Infant seal? Tot stopper? Let me try each of them in a sentence.

Goodness, it appears my baby cork fell out.
Well, look at that! My infant seal is in the toilet.
Finally! My tot stopper popped.

Okey Dokey! Tot stopper it is! So, now at least I know to look out for my tot stopper to come out sometime in August or September. Thank God someone warned me!

And now a totally unrelated word of advice:
Do NOT watch Style Network's new show "I Propose" if you are seven months pregnant and your emotional state is as weak as your bladder. You will waste a full hour of your life crying and snotting all over yourself.

5 Comments:

Blogger Bowler Hat Productions said...

"Tot Stopper", eh? Now you're just not playing fair anymore.

11:35 PM  
Anonymous Tracy K. said...

You are toooooo freakin funny! So much so, I just peed on myself...again! Thanks alot! By the way, Tot Stopper is my favorite! You're hilarious! And there is just something very wrong about "baby seal is in the toilet!"
Also, if "I Propose" gets you, then don't spend 2-3 hours a day watching "A Baby Story" like me. I can't seem to get enough of that show right now. And, of course, I cry at every birth!

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I don't even know where to go with this one! Too funny!

"Tot Stopper" it is then. (By the time you have to possibly deal with this phenom...you'll most likely be cheering for anything to fall out of your body!) Hmmm? AL

6:40 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Well, all of your comments lead me to believe that "tot stopper" is the clear winner. Let's start a petition to get it legally changed!

Tracy-I try to watch a baby story and then I realize I can't stand watching OTHER people have babies. I think it freaks me out more than anything else. I just want the delivery to be one big surprise. Smart, right? But, I watched "A Wedding Story" every second leading up to my wedding!

12:14 AM  
Blogger Deena said...

I really gotta catch up on these. Tot stopper is the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life.
D-

1:14 AM  

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