33 Weeks

I've never seen the movie "Alien", but I'm pretty sure I know what it feels like to have one come bursting out of your stomach. I was awakened at 4:30 AM by Sesame trying to rearrange my ribs, and possibly my liver. He's never kicked so hard! It was painful, but also exhilarating. I love feeling him move around. He's running out of space in there, so the movements are much more deliberate now.

I made some date nut bread before I went to sleep and I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I had to get up and have some. With some cream cheese. I'm still sort of hungry. Should I eat more? It's so foreign to me; waking up in the middle of the night and shoveling food in my face but what Sesame wants, Sesame gets. And now Sesame might have a little bowl of cereal.

Last week in birthing class, the women had to hold a large handful of ice for a little over a minute while our coaches rubbed our backs and did anything they could to distract us from the pain. It was supposed to simulate a contraction and I thought it was a really useful exercise. When I held the ice the first time, Russ was doing a great job massaging me and whispering encouragements but I was unable to stop the tremors in my right leg. Ice freaking hurts! The second time, (we switched hands to avoid frost bite), it was like I had been holding ice my whole life and Russ had always coached me through it. I think we're going to make a hell of a team. Especially if the sport is ice-holding.

This week we learned all about the medications they offer you or push on you in the delivery room. We saw two videos: one of a natural childbirth sans any medications, and one of a woman who received pitocin and an epidural. These lamaze coaches are definitely biased toward natural childbirth, so the natural video was much more appealing than the woman who was all hopped up. It made me want to wait as long as possible before I get an epidural. We'll see how I feel once I'm there, though. I might want THREE epidurals before I hit five centimeters.

Russ keeps looking at me, wondering how I'm "going to do this thing". He's either in awe or completely terrified of the fact that I'm going to make our child come out of my hoo-ha. I keep telling him that I'm pretty sure women have been doing this since the dawn of time and that it's going to be a piece of cake. Even if it's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, (which I'm pretty sure it will be), I will get through it because all of that pain will result in our baby boy. The truth is, I have no choice but to make it the best possible experience. Sesame is coming out one way or another, so to be afraid of the delivery is a complete waste of time. That's why I spend all my time being afraid of being a parent!

It's a lot like marriage. Way too many people spend all their time focusing on what their wedding is going to be like, and very little time working on their relationship. I guess I'm a "bigger picture" kind of gal. I won't expect the delivery to be perfect, but I'll do my damndest to be the best parent I can be. But don't worry! I will also do my best to have a great time in the hospital. Obviously, I'd like it be an experience that Russ and I will always have fond memories of.

Wow! It's 5:16. I better have that cereal and get back to bed.