Monday, May 21, 2007

23 Weeks

It officially became difficult today to get from a seated position to a standing position. I have to concentrate really hard, brace myself, and lift myself carefully out of the chair, or couch, or car seat.

The kid is kicking like crazy. I love it. It's like he's making sure I know he's okay. I hope he calls home when he's late for his curfew in the same thoughtful way.

Otherwise, there's nothing major to report. I feel huge, my stomach itches, and my heart beats so fast sometimes I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I read that it's because my body is producing so much more blood to accommodate the baby.

I'll be registering in the next few days so I'm sure I'll have much to report. Oh! We also test-drove baby-friendly cars today. I am becoming such a mom already. It's hilarious.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

22 Weeks

Okay, I admit it. I'm scared. I truly am. I'm petrified. I'm practically paralyzed at the thought of having to REGISTER for baby items, let alone having to RAISE A CHILD!

Sometime in the next week or so I have to go pick out all the stuff we need to have in the house before the baby even gets here. Here's just a snippet of the list from Consumer Reports:

Car Seat
Crib Mattress
Crib Sheets
Receiving Blankets
Mattress Pads
Waterproof Liners for the Crib
Diaper Pail
Diaper Bag

We're not even a quarter through the list, but I thought this was a good time to pause to let you know that even within this list there are hundreds of decisions to make. Like with diapers for instance. I want to start this kid off right in the world. I want him to know that I care about the Earth and what state it's in for him and his kids and his kids' kids. So, I'm considering cloth diapers for at least half the time. Meaning cloth diapers at home, disposable diapers when we're out. But I DON'T KNOW! I still have to do a TON OF RESEARCH on this one item out of hundreds that we need. At least Huell Howser already did a show about a diaper service that still exists in Los Angeles... So I know where to get them if I want them.

I spent a couple of hours today reading about cribs. Did you know that the slats should not be big enough for a soda can to slide through? I'm supposed to bring a SODA CAN with me to shop for a crib! And I'm not even allowed to DRINK soda right now!! The mattress in the crib should also not be more than two fingers width away from the sides of the crib. These are things a new mother is supposed to know.

More of the list:
Four Sleeping Outfits or Onesies
Six Side-Snap Tees
Four to Six One-Piece Undershirts that Snap Around the Crotch
A Small Baby Cap
Six Pairs of Sox/Booties
Nursing Bras
Breast Pads
Breast Pump
Baby Bottles
Bottle Drying Tree
bottle Brush
Burp Cloths

It goes on and on.

Now, I am well aware that I am not the first mother ever. I am also well aware that many women are armed with hardly any information and they do just fine. I may be arming myself with just enough info to make myself crazy!! But, the truth is I feel overwhelmed. I just feel like I could never know all the stuff I'm supposed to know.

And I'm just using the baby items as a metaphor for what I'm really feeling. There is going to be a child in this house. And he is going to completely depend on us for EVERYTHING for a while. And that is big. That is bigger than anything I've ever had to think about. And he's going to be here before we know it.

I just want to be good at this. I'm in awe of all the women who make it look so easy. How are pregnant women not walking around looking TERRIFIED? I feel like I want to hug every pregnant woman I see and say, "Are you as scared as I am? Don't you feel like you are in way over your head?" But then someone in a black trench coat a la "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" would probably come out from behind a tree and whisper in my ear that he could take my baby if I'm too scared. I'm not THAT scared.

Here's what I hope: That I make my kid feel safe without feeling smothered. That I make my kid laugh. That he wants to talk to me about stuff he may be embarrassed about. That I don't turn into a total wreck when he scrapes his knee and I see blood for the first time. That my husband and I can remain best friends and lovers. That my kid thinks I'm a great cook and wants his friends to come over for dinner. That we're the "Cool House" where everyone wants to come after school.

That I can do this as well as my parents did.

Heck, I just hope I can get to the actual birth without having a nervous breakdown. I'm scared. But it's only because this is the biggest thing ever. And I want to do it well. I will, right? Right. Thanks for the support.

Friday, May 11, 2007

21 Weeks

Okay, technically today I'm 22 weeks pregnant, but this story happened yesterday, when I was still in week 21. Plus, this way it looks like I'm writing more frequently.

My in-laws are in town and we've been doing a lot of hanging out and chatting. It's nice because they're only here about once or twice a year, and it's a treat having them around. Well, yesterday morning I got up before Russ (shocking, I know), and sat on the couch having a nice talk with the folks. I had eaten a bowl of cereal and was a lot chattier than I normally am in the morning. Maybe that's because I usually don't have anyone to talk to before noon!

While we're sitting there talking, I notice my heart rate going up. I could literally feel my heart start beating faster and faster until it felt like it might jump out of my chest. I also got incredibly thirsty, so I stood up to get a glass of water. "I'm having this heart...", I said. My ma-in-law says, "heart burn?" "No, it's like palpitations..." Then I had to lean over and steady myself on the dining room table because I got incredibly dizzy and felt like I might pass out.

Immediately after, I broke out into a severe sweat. I'm talking dripping wet. And I had to go to the bathroom. My mother-in-law saw that I was wobbly on my feet, so she walked me to my room and woke up Russ. He brought me a glass of water and sat with me as my ears started ringing so loudly, it was all I could focus on.

It stopped as quickly as it started. I drank some water, took off the sweatshirt I was sweating in, and it all passed. The ringing started fading, my heartbeat normalized and all was well. The entire episode was probably only about seven or eight minutes and then it was like it never happened.

I called my doctor (who I absolutely LOVE) and he said this is normal for someone with blood pressure as low as mine. "A lot of pregnant women have fainting spells", he said, "It's not fun, but it's not dangerous". He said I should keep Gatorade with me at all times because it heads off the episode if you drink it right when you start feeling your heart rate going up. Russ immediately put some shoes on, went to the store and stocked the house with Gatorade.

So, there's my drama for week 21. It probably sounds a whole lot more dramatic than it actually was... But it wasn't my favorite seven or eight minutes ever. Now I'm in week 22, I have a ton of Gatorade at my fingertips, and I know that my mother-in-law and my husband are very helpful in stressful situations. That's important information to have.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

20 Weeks, Wednesday

"What's going on with your blog? It's just going to go from '19 Weeks' to 'Hello, Baby'?"

This message was left on our home's voice mail by my dad. It took me a second to realize that he meant I hadn't written in about ten days and I better get to bloggin'! So here we are, week 20, and I have a couple of stories for you.

The other morning, I was awakened at 6:30 AM by our beautiful dog, Bogie who was standing up and puking all over our duvet. This was a horrible way to wake up. I pulled myself out of bed, shut off the alarm and put him outside where he could finish. Then, I did my best to clean up the mess, and took the duvet off of our blanket to throw in the wash. At this point I would have expected Russ to wake up at least enough to sigh or open an eye. I would have been wrong.

After tossing the duvet into the washing machine, I went back to tackle our down-alternative blanket, which the barf had unfortunately seeped into. After struggling with a pet product made especially for cleaning up this kind of mess, I realized there was no saving it and the blanket, too had to be washed. I pulled it off the bed, smacked the wall as hard as I could, and headed outside to put the blanket in the laundry room.

Then I finally came back to the bedroom, pulled a clean sheet out of the drawer to cover myself with, and huffed back into bed. It was then that Russ rolled over to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, forcing me to exclaim, "I just got a taste of what life is going to be life when this baby's here and you're still going to bed at four-fucking-thirty in the morning!"

Side note: He's still going to bed at four-fucking-thirty.
(An interjection from Russ: Sometimes it's three-fucking-thirty... but who's counting.)

Story two: Russ and I went to our friend Zeke to take some pregnancy pictures. He's an unbelievable photographer who was more than happy to oblige. Here's a couple shots so you all can see I'm actually pregnant, and not just making it up so I can blog about something:


Story three: April 30th was our seven year wedding anniversary. It also happens to be the day the baby started kicking. The only way I can describe the feeling is bubbles popping in my belly. Unfortunately, it happened five minutes after Russ left for the day. I immediately called him and we shared a great moment over the phone, celebrating the anniversary gift our son gave us.

The last two days, we've been begging him to kick again. He's been ignoring us. He's obviously preparing us for his teenage years.

Alright! I'm now realizing I need to blog more so that you don't get so many stories at once. I shall try.