37 Weeks, Thursday

165.6 this morning at home. 168 at the doctor.

You know the feeling of being so tired that it feels like you're walking through a haze? Where you have a dull headache that won't go away, your throat is dry, your eyes can only open half way, and everything you do seems like you're doing it in quicksand?

That's how I feel right now. I remember feeling this way the one time I stayed up all night cramming for a test in college. I believe they're called "exams", but I didn't really stay long enough to cram for more than one. Anyway, I stayed up all night studying and I remember feeling this way around 6:00 in the morning when it was too late to take a nap and too early to go to class.

Last night I fell asleep around midnight. I woke up at 1:00 AM to pee. I woke up at 2:45 AM to pee. I woke up at 4:15 AM to write a novel. But I ended up just peeing. Then I couldn't get back to sleep. My abdomen was killing me, my chest was constricted, and my nose was so stuffed I literally could not sniff. Plus Russ was giving off a ton of heat and his relaxed breathing, which indicated that he was sleeping comfortably, was too much for me to take. Then Sesame started moving in a way he hasn't moved before. It was AGGRESSIVE! He was bouncing off the walls of my uterus with such stamina that I felt it necessary to wake Russ from his beautiful slumber just so he could feel it.

I had to get up. There was no going back to sleep. I grabbed my pillows, my water, and my crossword book and headed out to the living room. I watched an "Oprah" I had TiVo'd, made myself a waffle and some tea, watched a Style Network show, and finally fell asleep on the couch with Bogie at my feet, at around 6:30. At 8:45 Russ came out to tell me my alarm had gone off. I had set it for some strange reason to make sure I was ready to go to the OB/GYN by 10:45. I NEVER need to set an alarm anymore, but I guess I had a premonition last night.

Bottom line... I'm tired. I miss sleeping through the night. I'm almost afraid to go to sleep tonight because I don't want it to happen again. But I'm going to go wash my face, brush and floss my teeth, and give it a shot. Because that's what we Arches do! We look fear in the face and say, "Up yours, Fear! I'm sleeping whether you want me to or not! I'm no quitter! I'm a sleeper!" That's what we say.

We met The Blonds' baby girl today and heard all of their birthing stories. It was awesome. It's especially good to hear how rough it was, but then see them with their beautiful little girl, laughing at the trials and triumphs of only a few days ago. I know no matter how bad it gets in that hospital room, it'll all be okay shortly thereafter. I am so excited!!!!!!!!

I hope this all made sense and that I'm actually typing this on my computer. For all I know, I'm sitting in the dining room right now, "typing" on a box that arrived this afternoon from Amazon with my BPA-free bottles. That would suck.

37 Weeks, Monday

Still having problems loading photos, damn it!

The last couple of nights I've been dreaming about him. I always forget what he looks like by the time I wake up, but I spend a lot of time with him while I'm asleep.

The other night I kept dreaming about breast feeding. I was struggling a bit, but doing a pretty good job. Then all of a sudden, he turned into my cat, Misty!! It was a bit harder to breast feed her because she kept gnawing on me with her little fangs. Luckily, she turned back into Sesame and all was right with the world.

Then I dreamed that I was taking him on a drive and I put him in his car seat. But he crawled up into the front seat and seat-belted himself in! I said, "Hey! You've gotta stay in your car seat facing backwards in the back seat!" Then I pulled over on the shoulder of the freeway and could NOT get him back in the seat the right way. It was very frustrating.

Apparently these are the kind of anxiety dreams that women experience in their third trimester. Luckily, mine are more humorous than anxiety-ridden. And I really dig seeing this dream baby, whoever he is. I'm pretty sure I even say his name in the dreams. I wish I could hear what it is... It might help us make a decision!

In other news, our friends The Blonds from birthing class had their baby girl Friday morning! I'm going to try to go see her this week if they aren't too bombarded with people. It's so exciting! I can't wait to hear how it all went.

Lastly, Deena came over tonight and completely organized the nursery. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!
I almost feel like we're READY for him now!! It's so spectacular! Now all I have to do is pack my hospital bag, and I think I'm done. Man, I'm lucky to have the kind of friends I have. And that is the world's biggest understatement.

37 Weeks

Holy Crap!! I've got three weeks to go! (Please... let him come early or on time).
167 pounds. 167!! I've gained close to three pounds in the last week. I'm assuming it's because this kid is done cooking and can come out at any time. So essentially I'm feeding two whole people every time I eat. I'm starving all the time!! (It's fun).

So, my best friend Deena threw me a shower a couple weeks ago. Originally we were going to have a big, co-ed party but we decided to keep it small and girls-only. She kept every aspect of it a secret from me so I was completely surprised when I saw what she did.

Several years ago, we both read a book called "The Red Tent". It's a fictionalized account of the women of the Old Testament. It has a lot to do with sisterhood, birthing babies, and just the general power that women possess. It changed a lot about the way I think of women. It really blew me away.

Well, Deena threw a "Red Tent Shower". It was unbelievable. She actually built a freaking RED TENT in her backyard! She also hired henna artists to decorate all the guests... I had my very own artist for my belly. There's no way I can describe the emotions I felt when I saw her backyard, or the way I felt to have my closest girl friends around me to celebrate the coming baby. So I'm just going to show you a bunch of pictures. I don't know who would want to actually have their picture shown, so I'm only including ones that have me and Deena in them. Hope this does the party justice!

Okay... So I've been trying to upload photos and it won't let me because Blogger is having issues. As soon as I'm able, I will give you a bunch of pictures.

This now gives me space to complain:
MY FREAKING BACK HURTS!
MY RIBS FEEL LIKE THEY'RE CRACKING UNDER THE PRESSURE OF AN ARM OR A LEG!
I CAN'T STAND OR SIT FOR MORE THAN THIRTY MINUTES!
SLEEPING HAS BECOME A DISTANT MEMORY!

Ahhh. That felt good.

36 Weeks

162.6 pounds this morning.

We had our last Birthing Class last week where we learned the wonders of "What Happens After the Baby is Born"! Our instructor/midwife let us in on all the gritty details of what to expect once we get home.

And, it wasn't just about lack of sleep, or figuring out how to handle the baby. No. It was about learning to deal with the kind of monster a woman apparently turns into after pushing a human being out of her hoo-ha.

Here are the things I will be looking out for:
Excessive bleeding for several weeks,
Possible hemorrhoids (I'll take ANYTHING else!),
Not being able to wipe after urination, and instead using a hospital-dispensed bottle which I will fill with water to cleanse myself,
The appearance of being 6 months pregnant even though I've already given birth,
Tender breasts and nipples,
Possible post-partum which makes you depressed and irrational...

It was at this point that Russ leaned over to me and whispered, "Don't forget about the limp", to which I added, "And the eye patch!" Our friends, The Blonds over-heard us and laughed like crazy. I then got very nauseous and we had to pack it in early.

About four weeks to go, and Sesame seems like he really wants to get out of there. He is punching and stretching and pushing against some parts of my back and stomach that are HURTING LIKE CRAZY!! It's also really hard to breathe at night. Not to mention I'm having a ton of contractions again. But he hasn't dropped yet and, after checking my cervix, my doctor says I'm no where near delivering.

Russ and I are dying to hold him. Who is this kid? I am so ready to find out.

35 Weeks

I just had a very surreal experience. I did voice over for a "Reel Comedy" that's going to air on Comedy Central at the end of this month. I got to watch most of the episode that I shot over a year ago. There I was, the old me. I was just "Lisa". I was thin (I recognize that now!!), and I was interviewing the stars of the movie "Balls of Fury". It's a really funny episode. There I was doing the creative thing I love to do most: Being myself in front of a camera.

We are all defined as different things at different points in our lives, even if we're not aware of it. We're toddlers, teens, high-school graduates, painters, accountants, we're "artistic", or "good with numbers". I was usually defined as "mature", or "a really good writer for my age", or "a procrastinator". I've even been "a great waitress", "an early developer", and "the honest one".

For the last 35 weeks, I've been "pregnant". That's it. I'm "the pregnant one". It's fun being "the pregnant one" because people give you a lot of advice, they ask you a lot of questions, they touch your belly, they get you a chair, they get you a lemonade. People are immensely helpful and excited for you. You get all this amazing energy from everyone and it makes the pregnancy an even more beautiful thing. But it does define you. It can't help but define you because it's characterized by a giant bump that precedes you everywhere.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm going to be perceived once I'm "Mom". There's no getting around it. I can lose all the weight, I can continue to work (Please God), I can find time to sleep and put on makeup... But I will be "Mom" no matter what. Even if I'm feeling super young and cute, I'll be pushing a stroller in front of me. That's unmistakable.

I'm nervous about this perception. I'm probably most nervous of how I'll perceive myself. Will I still be Lisa? Will I still be me? Will I remember the things I love to do? Will I still write? Will I still care about how I look? Will I still be good at paying the bills, doing errands... Will I still want to cook? Will I still love to bake? Will I still be funny? Or will I just be "Mom"?

I have to say, it worries me. Believe me, I am so excited about this new role. Yes, it has finally reached that point. I am looking forward to Sesame being out of the womb and into my arms. So is Russ. We are ready. But I'm not ready to give up me. I desperately want to be able to stay who I am and still be a great mom. I hope it's possible.

I've already promised Russ I would work hard to be the wife I want to be, and have been for the past seven years. And you know what? Being "Wife" never cramped my style. As a matter of fact, it made me feel more like myself than I had ever felt... I was the Lisa I always wanted to be. Maybe being "Mom" will do the same thing for me. Maybe I'll be the best "Lisa" yet.

161.4 pounds this morning and pretty nauseous. Five weeks until I'm "Mom". I can do this.

33 Weeks, Thursday

I'm going to make this fast because I'm exhausted because I haven't slept more than three hours in a row in two weeks! THAT was a run-on sentence but I don't care because I'm super tired and I can barely see straight and my back hurts.

Yesterday I went to the OB/GYN for a checkup. Thank god, everything's looking good. Every time you go to the doctor, you pee in a cup so they can check your urine for protein levels. I've peed in many a cup, and usually they are of a substantial enough size to facilitate what needs to be done.

For some reason, THESE cups are about half the size of regular specimen cups. So every time I have to pee in one, it presents quite a challenge. I always end up peeing on my hand. Always. THIS time, I was determined not to do that. Determination doesn't always lead to success. I peed on my hand again.

Then I have to reach over to the paper towels, clean my hand, clean the cup, and finish my business. I wash my hands THOROUGHLY... TWICE. And continue with my appointment. When I become an OB/GYN I'm going to make those cups big. Nay, I shall make them HUGE!

I'm 158.4 pounds. I'll blog again sometime this weekend.